Diamonds and Roses

Soft–spoken words
Set to earth’s sweet song
Gentle reeds, humble grass
Weakness is so strong
A symphony of gentle sounds
A spirit awakening
Birds fly from the abbey
Hear the church-bells ring
Words give speech to life
But they cannot define
As the smell of spring
It cannot be held in mind
That I could say all I feel
Oh a day that would be
My heart would spill water
My mind would roam free
A hidden river it remains
Showing here and there
Sparkling as sunlight
It is all too rare

To paint a picture in my mind
A beauty can be hard to find
Much pain may be consumed
But it is worth the cherished bloom
I search the stars for a gem
A diamond in the mine
Every now and then they show
Greater than the last find
Yet some remain left alone
Content to be alive
Not to be described
In the silence they thrive
A rose not to be picked
To remain untouched
Never to be picked
Never to be crushed 


Windowpane with snow
Opened in from here
Frost has built up far too long
This window must be cleared
Penetrating chill sets
Shaking in my skin
Snuggled in my memories
Still the cold seeps in
I search for a warm body
One to make me whole
But the cold still lingers
Chilled to the soul
Weeping tears of blood
My heart, it cries out
Seeking another soul
Can I live without?

My pride flies south
Words freeze in my mouth
I am at a loss of life
Ice-covered heart
Don’t know where to start
Maybe spring will bring new life

Frozen crystal drops
Still I sit alone
Apart from you, Oh God
My true heart is my own
Upon a June will be a bloom
A light through the dead of night
Of your soul; this chill is just a hole
From you; only you can heal

A tangle of emotions
I’ve cut myself apart
I won’t play that game
I will protect my heart
Often prey to silence
Caught in past remains
The warmth within my body
Has chilled in my veins

Could spring be on the march?
Is this rose sign?
Be my rest ‘till light
The color within my mind
Yes, winter has its place
To call what summer hides
To take a look down deep
Cold attracts a warm guide

My breathing has slowed
The color has returned
Through your faithfulness
My heart has been well earned
Take me on your chest
Sail with me this night
Take me to your world
To have warmth in the light

A Dream

A dream.

I dream that I am going along, as one normally would in a days journey. Cleaning up here, doing school, perhaps calling a friend up to go see a movie. Always, though, there is a nagging sense that I have left something behind, or that I am missing something really important. Like a great grandfather clock in the hall, always in the back of my mind, silently overruling me. I search the drawers, I look through the creaking cabinets, through my backpack and in my car. Unable to remember, unable to call upon previous memories to look back on, unable to do anything but continue on and hope that it wasn't terribly important. Nothing can be too great to leave behind, right?

I can't sleep. I keep having this dream. I think that today I have had it about 4 times, and I can't for the life of me know what it is about. I've been feeling really sick lately though, maybe it is just my mind messing with me. But I am not one to easily discount anything that presents itself, so I am going to pray about it and see if anything comes up. It is rather interesting though, just today in my Psychology class we started discussing dreams and what effect they have on us, or what (if anything) they mean. Maybe it is just our mind trying to have some fun and kick back after all that algebra. Maybe it is nothing more than pictures simulated by our memories and thoughts that have prevailed throughout the day. Perhaps. Or could there be more to it than even our great science can analyze? Maybe it is one of many ways our father speaks to us. Maybe those dreams about you running but not moving anywhere are saying something more than you consumed too much milk before bed. Could it be that our dreams are a link-albeit a thin and unstable one-to something deeper than can be determined by process or analysis?


A naked tree is worthless; no garments of leaf, no crown of fruit, no shade to offer, it serves no purpose but to be spit to the heavens as smoke. Those details, the small, seemingly insignificant details bring insurmountable life into our own. The body is mine, be the details father

Learning to Fall

Oh mournful winter day
Tears wash our skin away
Darkness brings light underneath
Rain washes smiles off the grief
Clouds of sorrow, a looking glass
Awakening shadows of the past
Oh heavy eyes, how you see
Touching the deepest part of me
The weight of a dying world
A scarred and fallen world

Silence of the void
Strength of arm destroyed
All because you cry
Weary in your disguise
An open-heart caught away
Held back by delay
In a pause begins to weep
Blood not flowing is made to seep
From my chest, a falling stone
Apart from me, it dwells alone
Ever deeper, ever falling
Deepest oceans crags are calling
Lowest depths, greatest heights
Far away an endless flight
My head is tied above the ground
A greater love above is found

Oh wandering soul, where do you go?
Where does the wind carry you?
Drifting slow within the flow
Lost to find what is true

Held inside a body of earth
One day you will have new birth
One day not held back by lies
Free from a thinly veiled disguise
Tell me how to let you free
Open my eyes, let me see
Beauty lies beyond mere hands
As a desert is more than dying sand
Yet in this world is needed rain
Grow a heart to smell its pain
To each man, a broken part
Blooming with sincere hearts
Even a lily pulled from the ground
Will grow to beauty once earth is found

Ever dying, ever crying
A heart must bear its scars
Let to fly in the sky
This stone becomes a star

Mourning hearts turn to a drip
My mind departs with one last sip
God bless this heavy heart
The sinking stone that pulled me apart
Thankful to the weary sky
Through his pain I’ve seen his eye
I won’t forget his tears
His heavy, healing tears

A Day Yet So Much More

In the crisp air of the morning
I went to talk with you
To open up my heart
To see what words were new
I went out for myself
Although I would not day
You never said a word

You led me out when the sun was high
Reading my heart like a page
There in the shadow of the snow
I emptied out my rage
Let me have it all you said
The curses and the tears
Although I screamed you kissed me cheek

A step, a tear on the coldest eve
I laid it all down
I broke the dam and let it flood
A river way was found
Dancing in the cold white eye
These wet drops of light
Yet I let no tear go in vain

You found me
even in a dead oak tree
Underneath a frozen sky
These pools of light have caught your eye
You catch these tears I cry

I used you
I never thought it would be true
God can you ever take me back
There are so many things I lack
It is good to have you back

Voice of Life

Weary soul unwound 
Released as caged birds to flight 
Set free to the light  
Found within hiding 
Gentle words release as smoke 
Silent embers stoked  
Poetry of heart 
Words unfiltered by design 
True statements to find  
Ones perspective made 
There is no right or wrong 
Only verse and song  
Sweet release of lies 
A gold key to open truth 
Pure and selfless truth  
Personal in touch 
The maker becomes his mark
Journey to embark  
Listen as it speaks 
All life has its word to say  
So short here to stay  
Write upon a page 
Capture all their thoughts in pen 
From lily to wren  
Listen well, feel it 
Overwhelming in beauty 
Never fully caught 
Only ever sought

Oh Strong Warrior

Ride out strong warrior
Hold your bow to arm
Stand fast oh soldier
Have no fear of harm
Upon your shield a firebrand
A mark of a great king
Within your blade a lifeblood
Your foe will know its sting
Be strong dear heart
You fight an unseen foe
With fury as a lion
Singing peace as a sparrow
Surrender gentle soul
You sit among men of peace
Do not loose sight of beauty
Love must have its release
Although amidst a battle
You are called away
To the wounded you are led
Your voice has much to say
Take the reins great captain
This horse will guide you home
Hold on tight young traveler
Your father leads you home

Within Your Boat

 A wicked life of flesh and want
It holds no worth to me
You have given me your eyes, Oh God
So that I might see
If I were to seek my own
I would merely in flesh settle
The life you have inside your heart
Is a beauty unsettled
I will wait upon your shore
Your boat will sail me home
Others swim from the shore
Content to merely roam
But you offer a purpose
I take it as a gift
Through oceans of dying hearts
You raised me as a lift
Let us sail the seas
Your boat will retain
All other rafts I’ve seen and taken
Are voyages sought in vain
Spread the sail, I shall not bail
Content am I not to steer
In this boat, your words I wrote
And through them have no fear

Child Love

I found a really neat website ( [my user is 'xslim92']) that is basically the handbook for all things poetry. I have recently submitted several poems and am really enjoying all the support and stuff. I wanted to publish (here of course, my true place of writing) a poem that I just recently put up there. It is in a form called "Sedoka" which is a japanese poem that is 5-7-7 syllable construction. But don't worry about trying to find it, I think the most beautiful part about poetry is simply enjoying it.

I am whole in you
You are to me as water’s light
A glisten across my face so bright
The gaze you cast me
Is too great to call by name
No words, but caught in the rain

You have found me alone
Into your gentle voiced love
You cradle me from above
Kisses my cheek
I find myself at a loss
Shielded by your warmth from frost

Can I show my love?
Is there any way to speak?
A light as the night grew bleak
Carried to the river
Upon your breast as a babe
Countless hours have I laid

A heaven within
In my eye within I see
I cannot pay what is free
I lie with open hands
You fill yours within my fingers
Long in night, your love still lingers

Faint Light

Deep within the night
I search for a light
Above my weary eyes, a star
Who's light lies not too far
Yet as I tread the globe
Darkness guards its trove
Only ever to see
Apart we will ever be

"Oh that I could touch
Oh to feel your heat
Though space and life apart
You called me off my feet
If light was always near
I would not know this shining tear
Had never been a break from day
Forever we would be away
As absence makes the heart grow fond
I will wait for light beyond
While I wish that you could stay
You are just a light on the way
I grasped for you within my tears
And for a time, gone were my fears
But any light apart from day
Will go at last and fall away
Yet still I grasp for light in dark
I cannot stand to be apart
Faint light to me as bright
My eyes did not adjust
A darkened sky, you heard my cry
I came to you with trust
You did not stay, you could not stay
You knew the sun must rise
I found heat in your heart beat
Kindness in your eyes"

Oh moon, you found me here
Upon my cheek a tear
I needed you the most
You seemed as a ghost
You set behind a cloud
My eyes from light was shroud
I could not see your face
So I sought another place
Now you come out
Oh how I did doubt
Even in the dead of night
A mirror of you exists
Through night and day you light
Yet in the filed of stars I have missed

"Oh starry starry cloak 
Before my eyes as smoke
A beauty to behold
But in time grow cold"

Although you may light my ride
The sun will be my guide
A horse by day, a swan by eve
You've taught my heart to believe
Through light and dark you understand
But sparkling skies seemed so grand

"A diamond within space
I sought your pretty face
But where was I to go?
Where you go I cannot follow
Yet beauty still here lies
I seek you in the skies
But I must leave soon
The heavens awaken noon"

Blood Flow

If I was forced to choose one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be writing; it is built into me, it is in my blood stream. Writing means so much more to me than simply conveying my message to people, it is a way of sharing are showing my life. But the more I write, the more I have come to realize this: The writer does not simply choose the words, the words must also choose the writer. I have found myself trying to write a song or a poem one way and it turn into something completely different. Sometimes, it is almost like I am just going along for the ride and letting the words carry me downstream. Then there are other times where I feel like the words are bleeding out of me, out of my heart, as if it were alive and it's own entity. I have found that if I keep myself open to this force, to this ocean of beauty, that it will often carry me much further and deeper than I ever intended to go, and I will become lost in it.

Pure Souls

 So in Avatar (If you haven't seen it, stop reading right now and buy a ticket for the next showing) there is this idea of pure souls, or seeds of the sacred tree, that are so in connection with Eywa (their Mother God) that they will often serve as diviners, making Eywa's will clear. I caught on to this idea, and, as I often do with symbols I find around me, tried to find its counterpart in our world. Something so in sync with God, so in touch with his love, so pure, that if we listen hard enough, we can almost hear his voice.
 I went with Joshua to see the movie for his birthday today, so I asked him on the way home what he thought about it. Somehow or another we started talking about how strong they were and how "wide" their muscles were. Then Joshua turns over to me and says,
"But the thing about them is they know that strength is not just being strong, but being gentle too." Wow. "Where did that come from?" I asked him.
He replied with, "I just heard the movie better than you did Chris."

So here in lies my theory. Although it has been well known for ages, it has been lost and forgotten by most. Children hold pure spirits within them, spirits that grow hardened to this world as they grow up. Maybe the reason children can hear God better is because, in Joshua's words, "[They] don't have so many things going on in their brains."Maybe their pure spirits are more than just a brain without lots of stuff in it.  Maybe we should be learning from them, and hearing what they hear. And maybe, just maybe, "It is very hard to fill a cup that is already full." -Moat, "Avatar"-

Simply Love

Love within a beating heart
Between a man and wife
Pure and simple beauty
As simple and true as life
What else can compare?
What else known to man?
Transcending all boundaries
Wild as the sand
Across the tongues of man
As mysterious as light
A feeling across the earth
Mysterious as flight
How can one heart catch another
Although a world apart?
So silent, so precious still
An ever beating heart
Some love hide away
Some take into the air
Although not one the same
None bleed beyond repair

A girl of beauty
Yet a little cared for name
Only what she offers
Is all the love she gains
Behind her flesh, inside her
A beauty lies in wait
Waiting for a lover
A masterpiece to create
A boy full of life
What else could he need?
The friends, the fun, the glory
Yet internally he bleeds
One heart full of love
No need for romance
One kiss to this frog prince
Love will break him from this trance
A God so full of love
His cup overflows
To his son who drinks it
He offers his heart to show
Trapped behind a man
Became a consecrate
Death was on its way
By his he became the bait

Once trees loose their leaves
Others spring to grow
The old create new life
A never ending flow
Deep as a skyless ocean
Never to erase
It is often spilt with supposed waste
Yet it only is ever misplaced
How can be spent
What has no quantity?
A light cannot be captured
So love will be free
A misconceived notion
A timeless work of art?
One thing remains unchanged
Love is set apart

A Man of Honor (Psalms 12)

Where are the good men
Where are the pure of heart?
Where is one who walks your way
Who will never fall apart?
Am I alone of my race
Who seeks my walk in you?
Where are sons who follow
Who do not speak, but do?
I call upon you, show me
Where are wild souls?
A brother on a journey
A heart and spirit of gold
Where are men like David
Surely some remain?
Who love your heart Lord
Your daughters just the same?
With love not of appearance
Unlike what now dwells 
Far from the so called 'lovers'
The ones who seek to rebel

Is not there a warrior
Who treats her as a rose?
Ever gentle beauty
His tender love shows

Where have gone the hunters
Who searched as though for game?
One day to find beauty
To call her by her name

Where have gone the sailers
To sail the wide expanse? 
Who brave a hell of ocean
To wash her in romance

Is there not a poet
To capture her in words?
Who will tell of her to men
Who will sing of her to birds?

Is there not a farmer
To pull her from the ground?
Who makes a feast from tender roots
To cherish what he's found?

Is there not among us
A righteous man of you?
Who seeks your praise above his 
Who's heart is pure and true?

A man of honor
A man of heart
Who takes a broken road
Set apart

The End To A Beginning

The crisp of mountain fades to blue
Once snow is now mere dust
Gone are the trees of green and gold
And the still I have come to trust
But this place is not where you are
Although you have met me here
No, you reside within my heart
Wherever I am, you are near
I shall miss the quiet wood
The gentle breath of air
Seeking you among the trees
Running through fields so fair
As little ones who soak up sun
You lay alongside me
Through silent meadows full of life
To old and dying trees
And though our time here has passed
We journey to another place
I follow every track you leave behind
A hunter on the chase
From the rivers to the seas
I will follow you
From the flowers to the trees
Nothing is too great to loose
Though I loose home and love
I have only lost what you gave
Though no life but from above
Your breath is all I save

Wind Chime

This is what your breath feels like
A breeze that quiets my soul
That causes gentle wind to chime
That uncovers an empty hole
You animate these sleeping giants
And tell them to sleep no more
In the silence you speak so much
Your love is lore


Wow, Titanic. Theme of my life the last few months. It is a story of a fight with God, yes, like me and then God and then fight. It one of the hardest days of my life thats for sure.
 It all happened over our christmas vacation this year. I had prayed a lot over our vacation, asking that God would make it a time of renewal as well as a time to break me down and destroy the boundaries I had formed over the year. I did not even realize just how much junk had built up, how much there was holding me back from walking with God. Out of this journey, though, came so many songs and lyrics and poems, and that was one of the problems. I found (as you may have read in my post 'Letters On a Page'), that I was almost using the time I had with God, that I was taking his love for granted and that I was seeking for my own to some degree. So there I was, on the back porch writing out in the freezing (quite literally) cold. I had been writing some lyrics and then all of the sudden, it stopped. I could not think, I could not write, I was helpless. I started talking to God and asking him what was going on. No answer. No explanation. Over the next half hour, I talked myself up into a rage, a burning anger that God had left me. We took some family pictures (I tired my best to smile the whole time) and then I eventually felt called out to go on a walk, like God was pulling a rope at my neck and beckoning me. Sitting beneath a rotting oak tree, I started unloading it all; I felt like I was punching God over and over and over. "Why are you not here? Is that really love God? You say you would never leave me, but you are a liar". As I write these words, I realize just what I was accusing Him of, what I was saying of Him. Yet as I flailed my arms and threw my punches, I just heard these subtle words in the back of my mind: "Unload it all. Lay it all down on the ground", and so I did. When I was all worn out, when I had nothing left to say, I sat there for several minutes, not really expecting God to say anything, yet waiting all the same. I started talking again, kind of calming myself down, trying to find some reason in what was going on here. Then it hit me, like a semi-truck on the highway, totally blindsiding me. It was not God that was closing His hear, it was me. Wow. I sat and wept for what felt like hours. Was I really closing myself off from God? My hot tears melted the packed snow beneath me; I now saw what God had been trying to show me all week. God is not the words that come from me, He is what the words come from. Now I know, now I have seen. He has grown me in this brokenness, he has used this pain to bring about healing and new life. And for that it was worth every moment and every tear.
 Well, that is most of my story (kinda long I know; I need to put my blog on a diet). After I took off a few days from writing, I came up with this song to put words to my week. Thanks for reading all of you out there.

Titanic (too strong to fail)

I miss the place of tears
Where I was frail and weak
You saved me from those fears
Now I rest upon this peak
But the strength here is too great
I feel too strong to rest
I miss having to wait
And lying in your nest
Bring me into weakness
Let me call on you
Make my mouth go speechless
Bring me back to you
God I want to need your heart
To be lost without you
God I want to need your heart
To be lost without
Make a pain when we're apart
Pull these veins back to your route

As the smoke is rising
Some things need to burn
Through the fire appetizing
God teach me how to learn
The Titanic was too strong to sink
Yet still you brought her down
I feel my heart upon the brink
Save me as I drown

I need to break, I feel the weight
This tower grows too tall
The day grows late at an alarming rate
Catch me as I fall

Frost and Chill

You love not like the love of man
In no way may I leave your hand
On the days I'm overcast
The love you give is enough to last
You love me when my heart is cold
You love me as my soul grows bold
A love that fills a secret part
Where I go, I have your heart
A certain light within my eye
That is your peace although I cry
Your warm hand on my chest
You cradle me into your rest
A warmth that only you can fill
Through times I grow weak with chill
In a mountainous place
A cloud hides your face
Yet still your rays give heat
The frost of night is beat

Just the End

As I start back to school and get back into the system, I not surprised, but shaken all the same to find that the world only cares about one thing. How does his life end? What is the solution to this math problem? How does the world end? They are so caught up in what will be that they miss what is. What is his life? What are the steps in this math problem? What is God doing in the world now? These are the questions that I have been awakened to, questions that do not exactly satisfy the human desire for answers, but rather give  me a deeper view of life around me.

 It is also very liberating to not have to know how my story ends, or what will become is my relationship with so and so. I think that that can sometimes keep us from living our lives in total oneness with God. Although he may know everything, he walks it out one step at a time and does not rush. It is the journey, not the solution that is the truest part of life.

The Turn

 A peace too strong to hold
A silent that speaks so much
In the silence my heart grows bold
And is made still by your touch
Far too much to let go
Yet too wild to hold back
The love in your eyes shows
In cannot be held back
A fire unto dying wood
Yet the rain all the same
You burn down strength that stood
And still the flame is tame
Only breaking what must break
Only stealing what must go
Nothing more do you ever take
Without throwing seeds to sow

If a tree should hide your light from me
you swiftly cut it to the ground
Your jealous eyes are all I read
I follow a cord unwound

You wait on me to remember
If in your shoes, I would leave
You call me through september
And many nights you have grieved
A lover held back from her love
You weep a tear unseen
You call my name, 'Come back my love!
Awake from this empty dream!'
Why should I seek another voice
When you already speak pride
Where I should be glad and rejoice
I seek another guide
Oh the tears you've shed on me
When I was lost from you
Oh the days you called to me
When I sought a love untrue
Though at times I leave your side
I always return to your heart
You held me head when I wept and cried
You loved as though we'd never been apart

The joy you spread upon my head
That is where I find delight
I will rest instead upon your bed
As you cradle me this night

Letters on a Page

The words that I say are not enough. They are just letters on a page without the inspiration, the life that drives those words. When God writes in me, something amazing happens; a connection is formed between me and God, between heart and pen. I can say what is truly on my heart, what I am feeling with him. Every time I try to recreate that bond, that unity, It always just turns into a bunch of scrap paper if anything. I cannot write without Him, I cannot sing without Him, I have nothing good besides what he has put in me. 

  I am confronted by this sobering truth every time I try to write words that are not put into my heart, words that I speak from my mind. The fact is this; I find myself using God to get what I want from him, namely songs. How wrong is that? I have totally abused his heart and for what? A catchy tune and some neat words? No, I will not do this one more day. God, the words that you say are the words that I will write, no more, no less. 
  This certainly does create an unconventional little world though, relying on God to write, but it is worth it to me. It is worth not knowing when or where I will be inspired to have the pride of my father reading over my shoulder as I write. 
  Well God, where we go from here is a mystery to me, so I'll let you drive this time.

An Ignorant Boy

I have noticed something in the past few years of my life, something that I always sensed, but never knew what it was. God has pulled me apart from most of my generation for some reason that only he knows. He took me out of public education, he has pulled me away from the stereotypical 'boy friend-girl friend' game, he has given me his love to shine, and he has instilled in me a willing heart to follow this journey. I do not know where it will lead, or what all that I go through is for, but I know that I do not want to take the other route. He forged a strong connection with me and I can only trust that He knows the bigger plan in all of this, that he choose me for a reason. He has pulled me out of confusion and ignorance into a world that is way over my head. My only prayer is that he will find in me good soil and that wherever this path leads I will be able to follow. 

Though darker days arise
You will be my shield
Though I trek through drought
Your love is my yield 
When I can see no sun
You become my moon
When the shadows lengthen still
You bring high noon
Over mountain pass
Under earth and rot
I rest my trust in you
My heart has not forgot
The love that has been shown
You have my one good shot