Diamonds and Roses

Soft–spoken words

Set to earth’s sweet song

Gentle reeds, humble grass

Weakness is so strong

A symphony of gentle sounds

A spirit awakening

Birds fly from the abbey

Hear the church-bells ring

Words give speech to life

But they cannot define

As the smell of spring

It cannot be held in mind

That I could say all I feel

Oh a day that would be

My heart would spill water

My mind would roam free

A hidden river it remains

Showing here and there

Sparkling as sunlight

It is all too rare

To paint a picture in my mind

A beauty can be hard to find

Much pain may be consumed

But it is worth the cherished bloom

I search the stars for a gem

A diamond in the mine

Every now and then they show

Greater than the last find

Yet some remain left alone

Content to be alive

Not to be described

In the silence they thrive

A rose not to be picked

To remain untouched

Never to be picked

Never to be crushed 

Window-pain

Windowpane with snow

Opened in from here

Frost has built up far too long

This window must be cleared

Penetrating chill sets

Shaking in my skin

Snuggled in my memories

Still the cold seeps in

I search for a warm body

One to make me whole

But the cold still lingers

Chilled to the soul

Weeping tears of blood

My heart, it cries out

Seeking another soul

Can I live without?

My pride flies south

Words freeze in my mouth

I am at a loss of life

Ice-covered heart

Don’t know where to start

Maybe spring will bring new life

Frozen crystal drops

Still I sit alone

Apart from you, Oh God

My true heart is my own

Upon a June will be a bloom

A light through the dead of night

Of your soul; this chill is just a hole

From you; only you can heal

A tangle of emotions

I’ve cut myself apart

I won’t play that game

I will protect my heart

Often prey to silence

Caught in past remains

The warmth within my body

Has chilled in my veins

Could spring be on the march?

Is this rose sign?

Be my rest ‘till light

The color within my mind

Yes, winter has its place

To call what summer hides

To take a look down deep

Cold attracts a warm guide

My breathing has slowed

The color has returned

Through your faithfulness

My heart has been well earned

Take me on your chest

Sail with me this night

Take me to your world

To have warmth in the light

A Dream

A dream.

I dream that I am going along, as one normally would in a days journey. Cleaning up here, doing school, perhaps calling a friend up to go see a movie. Always, though, there is a nagging sense that I have left something behind, or that I am missing something really important. Like a great grandfather clock in the hall, always in the back of my mind, silently overruling me. I search the drawers, I look through the creaking cabinets, through my backpack and in my car. Unable to remember, unable to call upon previous memories to look back on, unable to do anything but continue on and hope that it wasn't terribly important. Nothing can be too great to leave behind, right?

I can't sleep. I keep having this dream. I think that today I have had it about 4 times, and I can't for the life of me know what it is about. I've been feeling really sick lately though, maybe it is just my mind messing with me. But I am not one to easily discount anything that presents itself, so I am going to pray about it and see if anything comes up. It is rather interesting though, just today in my Psychology class we started discussing dreams and what effect they have on us, or what (if anything) they mean. Maybe it is just our mind trying to have some fun and kick back after all that algebra. Maybe it is nothing more than pictures simulated by our memories and thoughts that have prevailed throughout the day. Perhaps. Or could there be more to it than even our great science can analyze? Maybe it is one of many ways our father speaks to us. Maybe those dreams about you running but not moving anywhere are saying something more than you consumed too much milk before bed. Could it be that our dreams are a link-albeit a thin and unstable one-to something deeper than can be determined by process or analysis?

Details

A naked tree is worthless; no garments of leaf, no crown of fruit, no shade to offer, it serves no purpose but to be spit to the heavens as smoke. Those details, the small, seemingly insignificant details bring insurmountable life into our own. The body is mine, be the details father

Learning to Fall

Oh mournful winter day

Tears wash our skin away

Darkness brings light underneath

Rain washes smiles off the grief

Clouds of sorrow, a looking glass

Awakening shadows of the past

Oh heavy eyes, how you see

Touching the deepest part of me

The weight of a dying world

A scarred and fallen world

Silence of the void

Strength of arm destroyed

All because you cry

Weary in your disguise

An open-heart caught away

Held back by delay

In a pause begins to weep

Blood not flowing is made to seep

From my chest, a falling stone

Apart from me, it dwells alone

Ever deeper, ever falling

Deepest oceans crags are calling

Lowest depths, greatest heights

Far away an endless flight

My head is tied above the ground

A greater love above is found

Oh wandering soul, where do you go?

Where does the wind carry you?

Drifting slow within the flow

Lost to find what is true

Held inside a body of earth

One day you will have new birth

One day not held back by lies

Free from a thinly veiled disguise

Tell me how to let you free

Open my eyes, let me see

Beauty lies beyond mere hands

As a desert is more than dying sand

Yet in this world is needed rain

Grow a heart to smell its pain

To each man, a broken part

Blooming with sincere hearts

Even a lily pulled from the ground

Will grow to beauty once earth is found

Ever dying, ever crying

A heart must bear its scars

Let to fly in the sky

This stone becomes a star

Mourning hearts turn to a drip

My mind departs with one last sip

God bless this heavy heart

The sinking stone that pulled me apart

Thankful to the weary sky

Through his pain I’ve seen his eye

I won’t forget his tears

His heavy, healing tears

A Day Yet So Much More

In the crisp air of the morning

I went to talk with you

To open up my heart

To see what words were new

I went out for myself

Although I would not day

You never said a word

You led me out when the sun was high

Reading my heart like a page

There in the shadow of the snow

I emptied out my rage

Let me have it all you said

The curses and the tears

Although I screamed you kissed me cheek

A step, a tear on the coldest eve

I laid it all down

I broke the dam and let it flood

A river way was found

Dancing in the cold white eye

These wet drops of light

Yet I let no tear go in vain

You found me

even in a dead oak tree

Underneath a frozen sky

These pools of light have caught your eye

You catch these tears I cry

I used you

I never thought it would be true

God can you ever take me back

There are so many things I lack

It is good to have you back

Voice of Life

Weary soul unwound 

Released as caged birds to flight 

Set free to the light  

Found within hiding 

Gentle words release as smoke 

Silent embers stoked  

Poetry of heart 

Words unfiltered by design 

True statements to find  

Ones perspective made 

There is no right or wrong 

Only verse and song  

Sweet release of lies 

A gold key to open truth 

Pure and selfless truth  

Personal in touch 

The maker becomes his mark

Journey to embark  

Listen as it speaks 

All life has its word to say  

So short here to stay  

Write upon a page 

Capture all their thoughts in pen 

From lily to wren  

Listen well, feel it 

Overwhelming in beauty 

Never fully caught 

Only ever sought

Oh Strong Warrior

Ride out strong warrior

Hold your bow to arm

Stand fast oh soldier

Have no fear of harm

Upon your shield a firebrand

A mark of a great king

Within your blade a lifeblood

Your foe will know its sting

Be strong dear heart

You fight an unseen foe

With fury as a lion

Singing peace as a sparrow

Surrender gentle soul

You sit among men of peace

Do not loose sight of beauty

Love must have its release

Although amidst a battle

You are called away

To the wounded you are led

Your voice has much to say

Take the reins great captain

This horse will guide you home

Hold on tight young traveler

Your father leads you home

Within Your Boat

 A wicked life of flesh and want

It holds no worth to me

You have given me your eyes, Oh God

So that I might see

If I were to seek my own

I would merely in flesh settle

The life you have inside your heart

Is a beauty unsettled

I will wait upon your shore

Your boat will sail me home

Others swim from the shore

Content to merely roam

But you offer a purpose

I take it as a gift

Through oceans of dying hearts

You raised me as a lift

Let us sail the seas

Your boat will retain

All other rafts I’ve seen and taken

Are voyages sought in vain

Spread the sail, I shall not bail

Content am I not to steer

In this boat, your words I wrote

And through them have no fear

Child Love

I found a really neat website (poetrysoup.com [my user is 'xslim92']) that is basically the handbook for all things poetry. I have recently submitted several poems and am really enjoying all the support and stuff. I wanted to publish (here of course, my true place of writing) a poem that I just recently put up there. It is in a form called "Sedoka" which is a japanese poem that is 5-7-7 syllable construction. But don't worry about trying to find it, I think the most beautiful part about poetry is simply enjoying it.

I am whole in you

You are to me as water’s light

A glisten across my face so bright

The gaze you cast me

Is too great to call by name

No words, but caught in the rain

You have found me alone

Into your gentle voiced love

You cradle me from above

Kisses my cheek

I find myself at a loss

Shielded by your warmth from frost

Can I show my love?

Is there any way to speak?

A light as the night grew bleak

Carried to the river

Upon your breast as a babe

Countless hours have I laid

A heaven within

In my eye within I see

I cannot pay what is free

I lie with open hands

You fill yours within my fingers

Long in night, your love still lingers

Faint Light

Deep within the night

I search for a light

Above my weary eyes, a star

Who's light lies not too far

Yet as I tread the globe

Darkness guards its trove

Only ever to see

Apart we will ever be

"Oh that I could touch

Oh to feel your heat

Though space and life apart

You called me off my feet

If light was always near

I would not know this shining tear

Had never been a break from day

Forever we would be away

As absence makes the heart grow fond

I will wait for light beyond

While I wish that you could stay

You are just a light on the way
I grasped for you within my tears
And for a time, gone were my fears
But any light apart from day
Will go at last and fall away
Yet still I grasp for light in dark
I cannot stand to be apart
Faint light to me as bright
My eyes did not adjust
A darkened sky, you heard my cry
I came to you with trust
You did not stay, you could not stay
You knew the sun must rise
I found heat in your heart beat
Kindness in your eyes"


Oh moon, you found me here
Upon my cheek a tear
I needed you the most
You seemed as a ghost
You set behind a cloud
My eyes from light was shroud
I could not see your face
So I sought another place
Now you come out
Oh how I did doubt
Even in the dead of night
A mirror of you exists
Through night and day you light
Yet in the filed of stars I have missed


"Oh starry starry cloak 
Before my eyes as smoke
A beauty to behold
But in time grow cold"


Although you may light my ride
The sun will be my guide
A horse by day, a swan by eve
You've taught my heart to believe
Through light and dark you understand
But sparkling skies seemed so grand


"A diamond within space
I sought your pretty face
But where was I to go?
Where you go I cannot follow
Yet beauty still here lies
I seek you in the skies
But I must leave soon
The heavens awaken noon"

Blood Flow

If I was forced to choose one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be writing; it is built into me, it is in my blood stream. Writing means so much more to me than simply conveying my message to people, it is a way of sharing are showing my life. But the more I write, the more I have come to realize this: The writer does not simply choose the words, the words must also choose the writer. I have found myself trying to write a song or a poem one way and it turn into something completely different. Sometimes, it is almost like I am just going along for the ride and letting the words carry me downstream. Then there are other times where I feel like the words are bleeding out of me, out of my heart, as if it were alive and it's own entity. I have found that if I keep myself open to this force, to this ocean of beauty, that it will often carry me much further and deeper than I ever intended to go, and I will become lost in it.

Pure Souls

 So in Avatar (If you haven't seen it, stop reading right now and buy a ticket for the next showing) there is this idea of pure souls, or seeds of the sacred tree, that are so in connection with Eywa (their Mother God) that they will often serve as diviners, making Eywa's will clear. I caught on to this idea, and, as I often do with symbols I find around me, tried to find its counterpart in our world. Something so in sync with God, so in touch with his love, so pure, that if we listen hard enough, we can almost hear his voice.
 I went with Joshua to see the movie for his birthday today, so I asked him on the way home what he thought about it. Somehow or another we started talking about how strong they were and how "wide" their muscles were. Then Joshua turns over to me and says,
"But the thing about them is they know that strength is not just being strong, but being gentle too." Wow. "Where did that come from?" I asked him.
He replied with, "I just heard the movie better than you did Chris."

So here in lies my theory. Although it has been well known for ages, it has been lost and forgotten by most. Children hold pure spirits within them, spirits that grow hardened to this world as they grow up. Maybe the reason children can hear God better is because, in Joshua's words, "[They] don't have so many things going on in their brains."Maybe their pure spirits are more than just a brain without lots of stuff in it.  Maybe we should be learning from them, and hearing what they hear. And maybe, just maybe, "It is very hard to fill a cup that is already full." -Moat, "Avatar"-

Simply Love

Love within a beating heart

Between a man and wife

Pure and simple beauty

As simple and true as life

What else can compare?

What else known to man?

Transcending all boundaries

Wild as the sand

Across the tongues of man

As mysterious as light

A feeling across the earth

Mysterious as flight

How can one heart catch another

Although a world apart?

So silent, so precious still

An ever beating heart

Some love hide away

Some take into the air

Although not one the same

None bleed beyond repair

A girl of beauty

Yet a little cared for name

Only what she offers

Is all the love she gains

Behind her flesh, inside her

A beauty lies in wait

Waiting for a lover

A masterpiece to create

A boy full of life

What else could he need?

The friends, the fun, the glory

Yet internally he bleeds

One heart full of love

No need for romance

One kiss to this frog prince

Love will break him from this trance

A God so full of love

His cup overflows

To his son who drinks it

He offers his heart to show

Trapped behind a man

Became a consecrate

Death was on its way

By his he became the bait

Once trees loose their leaves

Others spring to grow

The old create new life

A never ending flow

Deep as a skyless ocean

Never to erase

It is often spilt with supposed waste

Yet it only is ever misplaced

How can be spent

What has no quantity?

A light cannot be captured

So love will be free

A misconceived notion

A timeless work of art?

One thing remains unchanged

Love is set apart

A Man of Honor (Psalms 12)

Where are the good men

Where are the pure of heart?

Where is one who walks your way

Who will never fall apart?

Am I alone of my race

Who seeks my walk in you?

Where are sons who follow

Who do not speak, but do?

I call upon you, show me

Where are wild souls?

A brother on a journey

A heart and spirit of gold

Where are men like David

Surely some remain?

Who love your heart Lord

Your daughters just the same?

With love not of appearance

Unlike what now dwells 

Far from the so called 'lovers'

The ones who seek to rebel

Is not there a warrior

Who treats her as a rose?

Ever gentle beauty

His tender love shows

Where have gone the hunters

Who searched as though for game?

One day to find beauty

To call her by her name

Where have gone the sailers

To sail the wide expanse? 

Who brave a hell of ocean

To wash her in romance

Is there not a poet

To capture her in words?

Who will tell of her to men

Who will sing of her to birds?

Is there not a farmer

To pull her from the ground?

Who makes a feast from tender roots

To cherish what he's found?

Is there not among us

A righteous man of you?

Who seeks your praise above his 

Who's heart is pure and true?

A man of honor

A man of heart

Who takes a broken road

Set apart

The End To A Beginning

The crisp of mountain fades to blue

Once snow is now mere dust

Gone are the trees of green and gold

And the still I have come to trust

But this place is not where you are

Although you have met me here

No, you reside within my heart

Wherever I am, you are near

I shall miss the quiet wood

The gentle breath of air

Seeking you among the trees

Running through fields so fair

As little ones who soak up sun

You lay alongside me

Through silent meadows full of life

To old and dying trees

And though our time here has passed

We journey to another place

I follow every track you leave behind

A hunter on the chase

From the rivers to the seas

I will follow you

From the flowers to the trees

Nothing is too great to loose

Though I loose home and love

I have only lost what you gave

Though no life but from above

Your breath is all I save

Wind Chime

This is what your breath feels like

A breeze that quiets my soul

That causes gentle wind to chime

That uncovers an empty hole

You animate these sleeping giants

And tell them to sleep no more

In the silence you speak so much

Your love is lore

Titanic

Wow, Titanic. Theme of my life the last few months. It is a story of a fight with God, yes, like me and then God and then fight. It one of the hardest days of my life thats for sure.
 It all happened over our christmas vacation this year. I had prayed a lot over our vacation, asking that God would make it a time of renewal as well as a time to break me down and destroy the boundaries I had formed over the year. I did not even realize just how much junk had built up, how much there was holding me back from walking with God. Out of this journey, though, came so many songs and lyrics and poems, and that was one of the problems. I found (as you may have read in my post 'Letters On a Page'), that I was almost using the time I had with God, that I was taking his love for granted and that I was seeking for my own to some degree. So there I was, on the back porch writing out in the freezing (quite literally) cold. I had been writing some lyrics and then all of the sudden, it stopped. I could not think, I could not write, I was helpless. I started talking to God and asking him what was going on. No answer. No explanation. Over the next half hour, I talked myself up into a rage, a burning anger that God had left me. We took some family pictures (I tired my best to smile the whole time) and then I eventually felt called out to go on a walk, like God was pulling a rope at my neck and beckoning me. Sitting beneath a rotting oak tree, I started unloading it all; I felt like I was punching God over and over and over. "Why are you not here? Is that really love God? You say you would never leave me, but you are a liar". As I write these words, I realize just what I was accusing Him of, what I was saying of Him. Yet as I flailed my arms and threw my punches, I just heard these subtle words in the back of my mind: "Unload it all. Lay it all down on the ground", and so I did. When I was all worn out, when I had nothing left to say, I sat there for several minutes, not really expecting God to say anything, yet waiting all the same. I started talking again, kind of calming myself down, trying to find some reason in what was going on here. Then it hit me, like a semi-truck on the highway, totally blindsiding me. It was not God that was closing His hear, it was me. Wow. I sat and wept for what felt like hours. Was I really closing myself off from God? My hot tears melted the packed snow beneath me; I now saw what God had been trying to show me all week. God is not the words that come from me, He is what the words come from. Now I know, now I have seen. He has grown me in this brokenness, he has used this pain to bring about healing and new life. And for that it was worth every moment and every tear.
 Well, that is most of my story (kinda long I know; I need to put my blog on a diet). After I took off a few days from writing, I came up with this song to put words to my week. Thanks for reading all of you out there.

Titanic (too strong to fail)

I miss the place of tears

Where I was frail and weak

You saved me from those fears

Now I rest upon this peak

But the strength here is too great

I feel too strong to rest

I miss having to wait

And lying in your nest

Bring me into weakness

Let me call on you

Make my mouth go speechless

Bring me back to you

God I want to need your heart

To be lost without you

God I want to need your heart

To be lost without

Make a pain when we're apart

Pull these veins back to your route

As the smoke is rising

Some things need to burn

Through the fire appetizing

God teach me how to learn

The Titanic was too strong to sink

Yet still you brought her down

I feel my heart upon the brink

Save me as I drown

I need to break, I feel the weight

This tower grows too tall

The day grows late at an alarming rate

Catch me as I fall

Frost and Chill

You love not like the love of man
In no way may I leave your hand
On the days I'm overcast
The love you give is enough to last
You love me when my heart is cold
You love me as my soul grows bold
A love that fills a secret part
Where I go, I have your heart
A certain light within my eye
That is your peace although I cry
Your warm hand on my chest
You cradle me into your rest
A warmth that only you can fill
Through times I grow weak with chill
In a mountainous place
A cloud hides your face
Yet still your rays give heat
The frost of night is beat

Just the End

As I start back to school and get back into the system, I not surprised, but shaken all the same to find that the world only cares about one thing. How does his life end? What is the solution to this math problem? How does the world end? They are so caught up in what will be that they miss what is. What is his life? What are the steps in this math problem? What is God doing in the world now? These are the questions that I have been awakened to, questions that do not exactly satisfy the human desire for answers, but rather give  me a deeper view of life around me.

 It is also very liberating to not have to know how my story ends, or what will become is my relationship with so and so. I think that that can sometimes keep us from living our lives in total oneness with God. Although he may know everything, he walks it out one step at a time and does not rush. It is the journey, not the solution that is the truest part of life.

The Turn

 A peace too strong to hold

A silent that speaks so much

In the silence my heart grows bold

And is made still by your touch

Far too much to let go

Yet too wild to hold back

The love in your eyes shows

In cannot be held back

A fire unto dying wood

Yet the rain all the same

You burn down strength that stood

And still the flame is tame

Only breaking what must break

Only stealing what must go

Nothing more do you ever take

Without throwing seeds to sow

If a tree should hide your light from me

you swiftly cut it to the ground

Your jealous eyes are all I read

I follow a cord unwound

You wait on me to remember

If in your shoes, I would leave

You call me through september

And many nights you have grieved

A lover held back from her love

You weep a tear unseen

You call my name, 'Come back my love!

Awake from this empty dream!'

Why should I seek another voice

When you already speak pride

Where I should be glad and rejoice

I seek another guide

Oh the tears you've shed on me

When I was lost from you

Oh the days you called to me

When I sought a love untrue

Though at times I leave your side

I always return to your heart

You held me head when I wept and cried

You loved as though we'd never been apart

The joy you spread upon my head

That is where I find delight

I will rest instead upon your bed

As you cradle me this night

Letters on a Page

The words that I say are not enough. They are just letters on a page without the inspiration, the life that drives those words. When God writes in me, something amazing happens; a connection is formed between me and God, between heart and pen. I can say what is truly on my heart, what I am feeling with him. Every time I try to recreate that bond, that unity, It always just turns into a bunch of scrap paper if anything. I cannot write without Him, I cannot sing without Him, I have nothing good besides what he has put in me. 

  I am confronted by this sobering truth every time I try to write words that are not put into my heart, words that I speak from my mind. The fact is this; I find myself using God to get what I want from him, namely songs. How wrong is that? I have totally abused his heart and for what? A catchy tune and some neat words? No, I will not do this one more day. God, the words that you say are the words that I will write, no more, no less. 

  This certainly does create an unconventional little world though, relying on God to write, but it is worth it to me. It is worth not knowing when or where I will be inspired to have the pride of my father reading over my shoulder as I write. 

  Well God, where we go from here is a mystery to me, so I'll let you drive this time.

An Ignorant Boy

I have noticed something in the past few years of my life, something that I always sensed, but never knew what it was. God has pulled me apart from most of my generation for some reason that only he knows. He took me out of public education, he has pulled me away from the stereotypical 'boy friend-girl friend' game, he has given me his love to shine, and he has instilled in me a willing heart to follow this journey. I do not know where it will lead, or what all that I go through is for, but I know that I do not want to take the other route. He forged a strong connection with me and I can only trust that He knows the bigger plan in all of this, that he choose me for a reason. He has pulled me out of confusion and ignorance into a world that is way over my head. My only prayer is that he will find in me good soil and that wherever this path leads I will be able to follow. 

Though darker days arise

You will be my shield

Though I trek through drought

Your love is my yield 

When I can see no sun

You become my moon

When the shadows lengthen still

You bring high noon

Over mountain pass

Under earth and rot

I rest my trust in you

My heart has not forgot

The love that has been shown

You have my one good shot