Heaven has seen a great victory tonight.
Some have been wounded
Many are slain
Through the bloodied victory
Your throne: victorious rein
I have raised your banner
The enemy has seen
Deep, deep in his stronghold
Yes, his eyes have seen
He fears the valiant warrior
His spirit knows my blade
Now cowered in his fortress
Dark plans are made
Made to pour his malice
Made to spite your crown
He fears the growing threat
He knows the deafening sound
The trumpets sing of victory
The drums of war resound
Your rule has shown its strength
His flag lies on the ground
But he will return
He does not accept defeat
He may have here run
But it is mere retreat
He has seen you, warrior
And shall now come prepared
Never smote with ease
But you need never fear
Look above your head
The standard flies on high
You fight with my sword
By my wind, you fly
Sharped your blade, fast
Rest while you still may
Yes, he will return
With vengeance yet to say:
"You may have his strength
But you still bear yours
There is weakness still
I will find its doors!"
God, you are my strength
I look not to my own
By your shield I hold
Harvest what is sown
Bar the doors of weakness
Give me all you can
I take the shield and sword
The breastplate in my hand
Give my head your helm
Give my waist your belt
You, God, are the victor
No matter what is dealt
I lift my eyes to your light
Your heart shines on mine
Give me courage, oh God
I battle the front line
Give me all I need
From wisdom to your eyes
May I see our enemy
No matter the disguise
The battle, Lord, we've won
The time has come for joy
But the war still rages on
Rest this night, rejoice!
6/6/10
The light from the sun will shine and touch all below; that is its nature and its promise. We may accept it and enjoy it, or we may hide from its touch, but it is still shining and it always will be.
6/5/10
Our hearts are locks with but one key, and although many a key will fit into its cavity, there is only one that will open it
Listen
I have to a sort of revelation over these past few months, and it is simply this: God always wants to talk with me. It is not one of those 'once in a blue moon' things like many think, no, He is waiting to be in conversation with me. Even though I might not always hear it, He is always speaking to me. I started to hear God's voice right about the time that I started listening. I think of it like being out at night. If I go on a drive out at night and roll down my windows, I hear crickets chirping and birds cooing and a host of other sounds. But if my windows are up, and my music is on, how am I to hear the quiet voice just outside? No matter how much I cancel it out, though, those sounds are always sitting on the other side of my walls. So is the voice of the one who dearly loves us, and loves to talk with us.
Wake Up, You Who Wait
Aslan is on the move
See spring in its march!
Victory shall be his song
Beneath the floral arch
Where his breath remains
Will prosper, bringing life
In ancient green and gold
Stands the awaited wife
Long awaited healing
We hold a frozen land
But we will have revival
Our Savior lies at hand
Ice of once springs forth
Melted by His gaze
From these distant clouds
Burst the glorious rays
What was once but clay
Will break up, bringing forth
The long awaited blooms
Greatest in their worth
The King once more arrives
He calls the dead and weak
"Wake up, you who wait!
The time has come to reap!"
Victory
Victory is counted as weakness surpassed
Carried to the hill to see the sun at last
Mute and deaf alike carried here along
From the shattered darkness to sing a new song
Victory lies not within the strength of arm
Nor is the sure avoidance from anything of harm
But in the hollow cry of men who know defeat
Raised within His arms to give what death deplete
Over yonder mountain lie many who succeed
Who fight with strength and valor, led by envy and greed
Their battle may be won, and men may give them praise
A red sun set with blood will see their end of days
Weep not, men of weakness; cry not men of loss
Yours will be the victory that reach beyond the cost
Sing a new song from the weak and humbled voice
Though you see only defeat, I say good men rejoice!
The sun must rise again within its fateful hour
Although we may not know its light, it will be our power
The sword and bow no longer will bring the victory
The banner is now held by Whom we cannot see
So says the Lord
"Sing to me, you weary men of helpless repute
A weary soul calling me, I will not dispute
I see each bleeding wounded heart lying on the field
I come to you in silence though I may not here reveal
Trust to me, beloved, that I will hear your prayer
Each frail crying warrior I shelter with care
Though you cannot cry out for any man to hear
Mine is not so frail; I bear a listening ear
I judge each by his heart of hearts, though it may be weak
To one humbled in his loss, my heart longs to speak
So set your eyes for daylight, to where the sun will rise
The day is drawing nearer still where I wear no disguise
Yes, the hour approaches with great exalted praise
Those who sought my heart to heal will have unending days"
So says the Lord
Glory
Who but aching bones to call upon your face?
What but idle words to quantify your grace?
Who that you should care, that I would catch a glance?
What has caught your eye that you would ask to dance?
Am I not just larger than the smallest grain of sand?
If you carried me would I fall from your hand?
Why the God who made it all would seek to know my heart
That you would long for me when we fall apart
That I could do you justice unto a faithless world
How to share the glory of the smallest shining pearl?
The greatest understatement any man could ever say:
To call you simply "God", as our speech would say
Galaxies surround you as stars dance in your sight
Suns came to existence as glory to your might
Oceans sing aloud with their voices all as one
To honor Your presence, from which all was begun
Trees and flowers raise to seek your shining face
All of life is captured by your never ending grace
All the words escape me as there were none to start
That I had not the mind of man to gaze upon this art!
Each piece of life unfolded sings in its own way
That I could share their song and glorify all days!
Minds of flesh cannot know what glory lies unsaid
Shut ears and closed mouths, our hearts bow to our heads
Awaken silent hearts, show what is not seen
In our eyes will shine your light like we've never seen
Glory to our maker, creator, giver of all things
I offer you my praise as the one and only King
Amen
The Earth Cries Out
Words for the Wailing Wall
This poem has a really amazing story behind it. I was sitting at Buon Giorno (the best coffee shop in the entire world), when God started speaking to me about the wailing wall. Now you must understand, some of my closest friends are going on a trip to Isreal -particularly Jerusalem- to pray over Isreal for its oppression and such. So, God tells me to start writing about something that I have very little knowledge of. I begin to write and all of the sudden my pen is practically flying across the page as God puts these words down:
Rejoice Oh My Soul
In the Secret Place
A Peace of My Heart
"Twenty Years" (by Augustana)
Better Than A Hallelujah
Sometime yesterday, I had an idea for a song about praise that I wanted to write. It was going to talk about how sometimes the cry of a broken heart is truer that upraised hands, but the words would not come out. So I do what I usually do at times like this, which is to just sit on it for a while and keep it in the back of my mind until (or if) I get any inspiration. I had just about forgotten about the whole idea when I opened iTunes and saw a new album by Amy Grant (I'm not a huge fan, but I was interested to know that she was still going). The name of the song was "better than a hallelujah", which I didn't find marveling until I listened to the lyrics:
I really don't know what to take from this, except that God is showing me something, but then again, I only found the song three minutes ago, so I might find more later.
Praise
Praise is easily done on a bright day when the sun is shining and smiles come easily, at a time when you haven't a care in the world; who can deny that? Praise at its greatest is when you are at your least, when the blinds are closed and rain falls as the tears from your face. To lift your eyes to your father and seek hope in this time, knowing that He will save you even as all falls in around you, that is praise.
A Broken Hymn
On The Move
"Remember Alice, the Vorpal Blade knows what it wants to do, you just have to hold on tight." -the Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland-
Breathe...
If you are reading this post and hoping to find some point at the end, then just don't even read this. Most of the time, this blog is just for my own good anyway.
I really needed to unplug somehow tonight, so I figured I would just write up a blog post. I usually go get coffee (or tea, seeing as I'm not having coffee for lent) when I feel like this, but time is my worst enemy's second cousin's brother-in-law (translation: I have no time). I have so much that I need to be doing right now, from preparing for the talent show on Thursday night to practicing my lines/songs for "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" to doing my Algebra 2 Homework. I really need to just sit back and look at everything, take a deep breath, and then just take it one step at a time.
Another pressing matter is one that has been on my heart for the last several months. It is almost a vision I guess that you could say about having a group of teenagers that meets and talks and pursues God and throws ideas and thoughts around. Maybe not even a bible study, but something along those lines. I think that something like this is so needed in this generation simply because opening up your heart is a very rare occurrence at this age when it is needed so badly. I have a calling to broken hearts, to those who do not have the strength to stand. That is what brings me alive and where I find God's strength in me, so naturally I want to serve Him in this way. I have prayed for a fellowship of hearts such as this for so long, and I feel that God is moving me towards it, but frankly, I am scared. I am definitely a person who likes to have a plan to some degree and have a general understanding of the way things will turn out, so stepping out like this is a hard thing to do for me. I feel like moses in the desert when he hears a call from the Lord to go and save the people of Isreal. God tells him to simply 'go', he does not say what he should do or how he should do it, but that he should just do it. I do trust God with my life, but something about this is scary to me and quite unnerving.
Well, that's out now. So if you've made to the end of this post, I would just ask that you would pray for me, that I would have the courage to step forward and a peace in my heart.
Fear
Through the day a shadow
Away from view of light
Dark side of the moon
A face of purest white
Silently to kill
To keep a heart at bay
Fear will take a mind
And tell it where to stay
Pulled to Sea
Whisper sent form hallowed shore
Ancient breath of love and lore
In the tongue a silent hope
Gathers near an ancient rope
Hung from stars to sea-bound men
Plucked from foxhole, cave, and glen
Break from clay, a foolish turn
To quench the thirsting heart of yearn
Beyond the grasp of mortal man
Knows no end, yet here it stand
Endless beacon by a name
Reputation: human bane
Cursed crucible remain
Tattered tie in blood is stained
Open Heart
What I find in silence
What I wish to hide
All things inside me
I bear upon my side
Weight upon my chest
To smell the morning air
God, you give us breath
Be my taste of air
If all I have is broken
Nothing left remains
Pride left within me
Taken in the rain
To face another day
Alone in my heart
Echoed doubts control
Emptiness apart
Carried down a face
This river, all I hope
One day ocean sea
Survival rests on hope
Open heart attracts love
You find a broken soul
In the pain of sorrow
Fill an empty hole
Death before extinction
My heart will not go out
Attack me all you may
I will not burn out
Awake in Sleep
Three cups sunk to sip
Nothing left but a drip
Proof that I've been here
Nothing else lies near
Waking up to greet the day
I don't know another way
Passing through again
Nothing save this pen
Work is over, I should rest
In my mind, thoughts protest
Through the night awake in thought
Remembering all that I forgot
Great warrior to raise a fight
Arriving with no foe in sight
All prepared for naught
No victory to spot
A fire built to warm a soul
Poking logs, heating coals
Left alone in night
Darkness cools the light
Waiting, waiting, seeking out
Don't know what its all about
Don't know what I'm looking for
This I know: My eyes are sore
Yet here I still remain
Placid and refrained
I will wait on you
I will trust in you
Lost to Regrets
A Disclaimer of Sorts
I have something that I feel I need to clarify for any of you who read these posts. Some people think, from reading some of my posts, that I am a depressed teenager and that I have no life or that I am like Charlie Brown: hopelessly alone. The truth is that I am one of the most loved people on this earth, and that I have so much going for me. The things that I say on this blog are things that come from my heart that God has given me to share, not some way to say 'woe is me'. I think the reason it freaks a lot of people out when they read some of my stuff is because it is not by any means typical for a teenager to be so open. Well, that said, I am anything but typical.
Where is the Moon?
This song is one that has been brewing for a while now. It only took me about an hour or two to write with music and everything, which is fast even for me. Wow, this song is engraved so deeply in my mind, it is almost hard for me to believe I played it at open mic (at Buon Giorno) tonight. It is kind of like taking off your shirt in front of an audience, not the worst thing you could do, but it is so strange just the same. So here it is, a song that is a page from my journal, a talk with God and the pain behind it.
Why must you leave? Must you go away?
Can we not bask in another light of day?
What are you running from my dear
Can we not stand and fight the
Fear inside
The fear inside
Fight the fear inside
Away, Won’t you stay
As the sun sets I hold on for the light
Where is the moon? I sit alone in the night
Why must this sun always fall down
And leave me broken on the
Hard cold ground
The hard cold ground
This same old broken ground
Tonight, This can’t be right
You returned , maybe we could make it right
But I stayed alone, my heart won’t stand another night
I tried to love you tried to stay strong
But I’ve been dragged behind you
Far too long
I can’t hold on
I can no longer be strong
For you
A Righteous Plea
Cracks of Light
Meetings, greetings; coming, going
Introspective Telescope (Psalm 51:17)
Lately, as you've most likely read in my previous posts, I've been digging through a lot of pain recently from the past (for some reason that makes me sound old...). I've been really busy though this weekend though and haven't really had much time to get away and do much writing. So I've kinda put it back in the closet for a while, but it keeps coming back over and over again. It won't seem to go away, and that is just it, it will not go away...not on its own. Wounds to our spirit, unlike wounds to our body, will never heal on their own. They may stop hurting, true, they may not be seen to the naked eye, undoubtably, but they are always there none the less. I have found in my very short time so far on this earth that there is nothing that I, or anyone else can do to heal me. A girl might make it feel better, distractions may take away the pain, but I cannot do anything to heal it. Below is all that I have been feeling, and all the weight on my heart poeticized (is that even a word?). There is so much more on this subject in my life, but all will come out in time.Hope as scarce as diamonds
I Hate All Your Show
I have found over the years that I am a very trusting person, and will believe almost anyone. Especially with writings and words that they choose to put down. It is such a gift for me and it so close to my heart, so I think that anyone who writes does so from their heart. Unfortunately, I have found, that is not the way our world is. It is painful for me to find that what someone says in everyday life is, in fact, not always what their heart says. The hardest thing for me, though, it when people talk about 'God as their father', and how they 'always rely on Him'. It has become a status to show with pride rather than a promise to be kept at all cost. In my mind it has become nearly synonimous with the idea of a 'purity ring', a way to 'consecrate yourself to the Lord', yet their actions and lives have become gross distortions of the simple commitments. Words not birthed in truth will live their lives well in the moment, but will walk themselves to an untimely death in the end. Don't call yourself a 'man of God' unless you know what that means and are ready to walk it through. I hate all your show.
So I call myself and all of you out there on this: Who do you say you are? Who does God say you are? What does the world see when they see you? Is it a clean window that will hide nothing when the sun breaks out, or is your window, your mouth, full of things that do not want to be brought into the light. Can you stand up genuine and unashamed in front of those around you when the truth comes out?
Wounded
2/3/10
I figured it was about time for me to write up another 'post'. I've just been so inspired to write poetry lately that I haven't really slowed down for several weeks.
I told God the other night that I was ready to move on, to become something apart from myself; almost to become a cause outside of my own shoes. That is no small thing to ask, and I realize that there is going to be a lot of growing and a lot of pain in the process, but it is worth it. God took me up on my offer to grow stronger, but that process requires opening of old wounds, which there are plenty of. Today, accordingly, has been a very tough day; many things have been pulled up from the past. I have uncovered a pain that I though no longer hurt, but it still does and it has literally changed the way I am.
A while back, to make a long story short, I was given the cold shoulder to some random girl that I liked. I brushed is aside as if it had no value whatsoever and continued on, but all the while it was growing deeper and deeper. The lie that is associated with that wound says..."You are not even good enough for a ____ (fill in the blank) like her" and "You are not worth anyone's time; If you want a friend you have to make one." God. The realization came over me like a thick wool blanket; all light was extinguished. It was all that I could do to hold back the tears as I finished up my homework.
I did what I usually do when my heart is heavy, I went to Buon Giorno. I will just sit ant write (usually poetry and such), and kinda just meet with God and ask Him to "give me his eyes" to disconnect myself from my pain and see what he sees. He really met with me there today and assured me that, "We will walk through this together; You are not alone."
So, any of my sparse yet dedicated readers, if you would pray that God would see me through to his bigger plan for me, and that I would learn to be led blindly and to trust his voice, that would be such a blessing.
Sincerely,
Christopher Steven Coan
Held
Diamonds and Roses
Window-pain
A Dream
A dream.
I dream that I am going along, as one normally would in a days journey. Cleaning up here, doing school, perhaps calling a friend up to go see a movie. Always, though, there is a nagging sense that I have left something behind, or that I am missing something really important. Like a great grandfather clock in the hall, always in the back of my mind, silently overruling me. I search the drawers, I look through the creaking cabinets, through my backpack and in my car. Unable to remember, unable to call upon previous memories to look back on, unable to do anything but continue on and hope that it wasn't terribly important. Nothing can be too great to leave behind, right?
I can't sleep. I keep having this dream. I think that today I have had it about 4 times, and I can't for the life of me know what it is about. I've been feeling really sick lately though, maybe it is just my mind messing with me. But I am not one to easily discount anything that presents itself, so I am going to pray about it and see if anything comes up. It is rather interesting though, just today in my Psychology class we started discussing dreams and what effect they have on us, or what (if anything) they mean. Maybe it is just our mind trying to have some fun and kick back after all that algebra. Maybe it is nothing more than pictures simulated by our memories and thoughts that have prevailed throughout the day. Perhaps. Or could there be more to it than even our great science can analyze? Maybe it is one of many ways our father speaks to us. Maybe those dreams about you running but not moving anywhere are saying something more than you consumed too much milk before bed. Could it be that our dreams are a link-albeit a thin and unstable one-to something deeper than can be determined by process or analysis?
Details
A naked tree is worthless; no garments of leaf, no crown of fruit, no shade to offer, it serves no purpose but to be spit to the heavens as smoke. Those details, the small, seemingly insignificant details bring insurmountable life into our own. The body is mine, be the details father
Learning to Fall
A Day Yet So Much More