2/3/10

  I figured it was about time for me to write up another 'post'. I've just been so inspired to write poetry lately that I haven't really slowed down for several weeks.

  I told God the other night that I was ready to move on, to become something apart from myself; almost to become a cause outside of my own shoes. That is no small thing to ask, and I realize that there is going to be a lot of growing and a lot of pain in the process, but it is worth it. God took me up on my offer to grow stronger, but that process requires opening of old wounds, which there are plenty of. Today, accordingly, has been a very tough day; many things have been pulled up from the past. I have uncovered a pain that I though no longer hurt, but it still does and it has literally changed the way I am.

  A while back, to make a long story short, I was given the cold shoulder to some random girl that I liked. I brushed is aside as if it had no value whatsoever and continued on, but all the while it was growing deeper and deeper. The lie that is associated with that wound says..."You are not even good enough for a ____ (fill in the blank) like her" and "You are not worth anyone's time; If you want a friend you have to make one." God. The realization came over me like a thick wool blanket; all light was extinguished. It was all that I could do to hold back the tears as I finished up my homework.
  I did what I usually do when my heart is heavy, I went to Buon Giorno. I will just sit ant write (usually poetry and such), and kinda just meet with God and ask Him to "give me his eyes" to disconnect myself from my pain and see what he sees. He really met with me there today and assured me that, "We will walk through this together; You are not alone."
 So, any of my sparse yet dedicated readers, if you would pray that God would see me through to his bigger plan for me, and that I would learn to be led blindly and to trust his voice, that would be such a blessing.

Sincerely,
Christopher Steven Coan