Strength In Weakness

I hate being weak. Let me repeat that. I HATE BEING WEAK. It is built into my system, being a man, to hate any weakness that is in me, so when says, 'nope, you are weak' I naturally want to fight it. But God has other ways...

God has been taking me through a process of making me weak so that I can have strength in Him. It's not just a one-time deal, it's a whole chain of events that has showed me just how weak I am. One big thing is my running for training for football. I started in the hotel when I was in New Jersey with my dad. The first day I went out and ran for about a little over a mile and realized how weak I was. I kept trying to tell myself 'Oh, I just haven't run in a while...' and kept going. But when I got back to the hotel, lying on the bed staring up at the celling, I realized just how weak I was. I talked to God and told him that I wanted His strength in me, even if I must die away for that to come though. I wanted to be completely dependent on His strength. He heard my prayer.

The next day I went out to run and within the first 5 minutes I was painting. I prayed that God would give me strength over and over. I was at the point of holding my hands up to the sky and speaking up to God and pleading Him for His life. I'm sure I looked like a nut. But God gave me the strength to finish and I ended up going about 3 miles that day. I thanked God profusely and praised his name over and over all day. Then, the last day there I went out one last time and started by saying, 'Alright God, you have showed me that I am weak, now be my strength. Lift me up on your wings, put me on your shoulders. Carry me where I cannot go.' I took a different trail that day and got lost. I was praying the entire time that God would give me strength and I finally found myself back at the hotel after about 50 minutes straight of running. I had gone about 5 miles, farther than I had ever gone. That was God's strength in me. He lifted me up and carried me.

My GI issues are just another piece of this huge thing, just seeing how weak my body is and seeing how feeble I am. But the biggest thing if football. Since I'm not able to have sugar for probably another two months, even making it through practice even is almost impossible. One night in particular, Tuesday night, was the first night of two-a-days. I went in thinking I could do it, that I was strong, that I had enough life to do it. About half way through the practice my legs started giving out and I could hardly breathe. I cried out to God in that moment of utter despair and death, but He still needed me to see that I am weak. I limped along for about another 10 minutes, all the while pleading and begging for God to rescue me. My legs could not hold me up anymore and I was literally crying from the stress I was going through. I knew that my legs were going to give out any second and pleaded to God once again to carry me on His shoulders. I finally broke down and admitted that I was weak, that I didn't have enough life to carry me across the finish line; God met me in that brokenness. I wasn't like some instant burst of energy or some supernatural intervention, it was like this: I knew for a fact that I had no strength left in me. I knew that my legs were going to give out on me. I knew that without God's help, I could not have made it past the end of that practice. He rescued me in my moment of utter despair and death and showed me that He is all the strength in me.

"Protect me God, for I take refuge in you.

I have said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord;

I have no good besides You'"

~Psalm 16:1-2~

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

and delivers them from all their troubles."

~Psalm 43:17~

"God is our refuge and strength,

a helper who is always found

in times of trouble.

~Psalm 46:1~

"I will not die, but I will live

and proclaim what the Lord has done."

~Psalm 118:17~

Praise your name father, for you are my strength and my life.