Goat-Herder's Salvation

I was reading in John the other day and came across this verse:

"If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, howeer, they have no excuse." John 15:22

I took out my pen and wrote it down in my journal, then sat and thought about it and wrote this:

What does this mean God? Does that mean that if they don't know about you, they don't sin? But God, you say that all have sinned, that all of us have been taken from your prescense. What if you haven't spoken to the starving children in Africa, what is you haven't made yourself know to the people living in the slums of India? What then? What do we do with that? If you are a God of love, could you damn someone who never had a chance? You say that to be saved, we must love you with all of our hearts, with all our minds, and with all of our understanding, but what if an African boy has never heard of you and dies, would'nt he have loved you with all of his understanding? How can you love someone you don't know? Would you make yourself known to them? Would you make yourself know to them? Surely you would not abandon to death someone who has never know your love. Give me peace about that God, that you love them.

That question stayed in my mind all night lone. It made me think maybe doing missions was a waste, that maybe people didn't need to know about Him. It was really a place of doubt for me, just that thought, the thought that God would kill someone who never had a chance.

"What if I had been born in Africa?" I wondered, "Would I go to hell just for that innocent ignorance?"

I didn't know what to think, but finally came to the place of just saying, "God, you are love, so whatever you do about this will be from that love."

And with that I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and that question STILL lingered in the back of my mind.

"What is the deal?" I asked myself.

It held it's place in my mind all though the monring and afternoon. It was like the distant dripping of water, slowly rolling off the faucet and splashing into the sink, gradually driving me mad.

When I got home from a jog later that day, I started reading in Revelation, picking up from the night before in about chapter 8. Why am I reading Revelation? Good question.

Well, as many of you know for the last month or two I've been writing a book called "Caelum" aka "the mythology of heaven" which is basically a story-poem about heaven. There are angels and demons and other things in it so I wanted to do some research in Revelation, the strangest book in the bible. I'll tell more about it in the weeks and months to come. So, as I was reading in revelation, I stumbled upon Revelation 9:20:

But the people who did not die in these plagues still refused to repent of their evil deeds and turn to God. They continued to worship demons and idols made of gold, silver, bronze, stone, and wood—idols that can neither see nor hear nor walk!

God gave them a chance, even at the end of the world. How much more then would he give the chance to those who don't even think there is a god? Maybe there will be a salvation for the little goat herder at the end, maybe not, but at the and of the day, where does that leave us? If it is at a place of "Phew, thank God we don't have to worry about being missionaries", then this post has not met its intended mark. What I'm trying to convey here is that, for me, putting this question to rest, or at lease in a stalemate has freed me to love the people around me. It has freed me from the guilt of not being a missionary to starving kids in Africa or of being a 'Billy Graham' type evangelist. I can now see that there is a world full of people who are hurt, who need healing, who need love. On every street corner this is someone who carries a wound. Maybe the girl behind the Starbucks counter was raped, maybe the man on the bus got beat by his father. And these are the ones that we fail to see because of that burning question, the question of the goat-herder's salvation.

The Meaning of Sacrifice

"Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" 

~John 15:13~

Watching Gran Torino the other night really made we think about that verse. He selflessly gave away his life for the protection of his neighbors, his friends. He knew what he had to do and did not shy away from it. True he had a checkered past that he wanted to have no part of anymore, subconciously driving him to this decision, but his sacrifice is beautiful none the less. Keeping that in mind, how much more selfless would it have been if he hadn't killed any of those 17 people, if he hadn't killed that one boy, if he had more life ahead of him yet. It would've been a monumental sacrifice, one that would never be forgoten. Why then do we forget an even greater sacrifice that was done for us, to save not our bodies, but our very lives, our souls. God did that for us, not just us, but even the ones who killed Him. It wasn't just a 'die for all and pay for one', no, he died with the sin of EVERY man on the earth, he felt EVERY single one as he suffocated on the cross, as crows pecked at his rotting flesh. What is it about that sacrifice that we miss? Why do we not see the beauty that lies behind it, the pure love that drove it? Why do our eyes glaze over this 'seemingly insignificant' sacrifice? Why are our hearts unmoved by that picture, by that utterly selfless sacrifice, by that pain that he suffered for us?

Imagine your best friend doing that for you, someone who you dearly love and who loves just as much, someone who has so much good in them. 

You sit alone in a jail cell. You hear the noise of screaming and you smell the rank smell fear as a thick blanket of gas in the air. Your head is buried in your hands as  tears flow through your fingers and splash onto the cold concrete floor of your cell below. You have just killed a man. You are weeping, not solely out of regret, but out of fear. That fear has utterly taken hold of you and you are scared to death of what is to come. They have just told you that you are going to receive the death penalty, and are then going to suffer eternal damnation in hell; 'you had made your choice' they said. Suddenly, you hear the sound of footsteps, and then that of keys jingling in the lock at your door. The door swings open and you look up to see the loving eyes of your father staring back at you.

"Dad , I killed a man and now I'm going to die and spend eternity in Hell!" you scream as you blood seeps down your arms from your fingernails cutting into your forehead. You throw yourself at his feet and weep into his shirt, smearing your blood all over him.

"Son, you're not going to die, your are going to live and start a new life. I am taking your place."

"You can't! I've made my choices in life!" you yell, trying to awake from this nightmare, but it is no dream.

"It has already been decided," he says as two guards take off your shackles and lock them onto your father, "Son, your life is worth saving."

"Dad, why are you doing this!?" you as, grasping at his shirt as the guards pull him away.

"Because I love you son," he says with tears in his voice and then is pulled out of the cell. Your watch as he is walked down the hallway to face your death, your demons. You sit there in the hallway, lying on the floor weeping. You look down at your blood-stained hands and realize that your blood is on him, that he is saving your life. Your know that nothing you could never repay him for this, even if your could live a thousand lives, it would not be enough. This is the meaning of sacrifice.

This story is our story as we fail to see it. We HAVE been given life, we HAVE been offered redemption. Now get up and walk out of that cell, you are free, but never ever forget the sacrifice that has been made by your loving father, Jesus.

A Bottled Up Love

Coming back from Sigma has been really heard for me, coming back into the real world. I find myself trying to get back to Ute Trail, trying to get back to that unity with Christians and with God up there on the mountain top. I cried and cried as we left, thinking that I would never be here again, thinking that this is where I was free to live. But as I have walked with God and shared my heart with him about this doubt, he has reminded me that our mission is here, that this is what we have trained for.
Think about Jesus' disciples for a second. They shared total unity with Jesus and with fellow Christians, something I only had a taste of in Colorado. But when Jesus left them, when he sent them back into the world, they did not struggle and reach for a way back with Jesus, they went out and showed the rest of the world God's love. Think about Superman in "Superman Returns", he lays dying on the Krypton island, paralyzed and held down by this earth. He finally breaks out and is able to reach out to the sun, to restore his life and purpose. And yet though he is where he draws his strength, where he is fully alive, he remembers what his strength is for. He does not stay where he is closest to his power, instead he returns to earth where he can be overcome by weakness and be held down and caged, but he does it to free others. That is why we are here, that is why we are on this earth. Every purpose in our life is to free those around us, to show them God's perfect and passionate love for them. Satan wants me to walk away from camp and keep this love to myself, to bottle it up and never share it with anyone. It is when I remember my mission and go out into the world changed and on fire for God that I become a dangerous threat to the enemy. Remember what we are called to be as Christians, remember and never forget why we are here on this battlefield:
We are on a mission, and that mission will take us places where we will be shot at and sought out. We are behind enemy lines, taking the world by storm.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, ^a]">

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

WE ARE ON A MISSION.

Never forget that.

Your brother in Him,
Christopher Coan

No Coward's Soul Is Mine

"No Coward's Soul Is Mine", by Emily Bronte

No coward soul is mine,
No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere:
I see Heaven's glories shine,
And Faith shines equal, arming me from Fear.

O God within my breast,
Almighty, ever-present Deity!
Life, that in me has rest,
As I, undying Life, have power in Thee!.

Vain are the thousand creeds
That move men's hearts: unutterably vain;
Worthless as withered weeds,
Or idlest froth amid the boundless main,

To waken doubt in one
Holding so fast by Thy infinity,
So surely anchored on
The steadfast rock of Immortality.

With wide-embracing love
Thy Spirit animates eternal years,
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates, and rears.

Though earth and moon were gone,
And suns and universes ceased to be,
And Thou wert left alone,
Every existence would exist in Thee.

There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Since Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.

This is such a moving poem to me, the way she speaks about God as if to a lover, with passion in her words. To see the final work of poetry, the final words of a life come from a human being is a very moving thing. The words they chose to say as they lay dying, the final words to sum up a lifetime of learning and living. As Emily Bronte lay on her bed, dying quickly from tuberculosis, her last words, her one thing she chose to say before parting from this earth was that of undying faith and total peace. When the doctors informed her that she was sick, she chose not to be hospitalized, or even medicated. Why? Why would she give up what seems to us like her whole life ahead of her when she could fight back death for some time longer? Was it because she was unhappy with the life that she had been given? Was it because of her state of mind? Was she at peace enough to leave this world without regrets or remorse? Or was it that her heart longed to be in unity with God, to walk with Him once more like she had in the garden ages past. Read the poem again, slowly and sincerely. Read as though they were the dying words of your sons or daughters.
This is a brief window into her heart, her heart overflowing with genuine love and faith for God. At that place on her death bed, lying before God and man, preparing to cross over the threshold into the unknown, she entertained no doubt in her mind. Her father would catch her, he would not let her fall. I don't know about any of you, but that pure faith and belief that she held in her heart is the kind of faith I want to have. A faith that inspires people, a faith that grows people, a faith that is faith where knowledge cannot go. A faith like that will change the world.

Dentist Chair Salvation

You know that feeling when you go to the dentist, you feel like a bad person for not brushing the right way or flossing after every meal or swishing your rinse for 30 seconds, yeah, that feeling. That is the same way that church feels. You feel bad for not talking to God as much as you should have that week or donating money to the poor or helping your neighbor with his yard. Why do we feel that way? What part about us makes us feel guilty? I think it has a lot to do with the environment there, the people, the mission, the sermon, stuff like that. Sermons for the most part make us feel guilty, like we need to do more, like we are selfish. They tell us what is wrong with us, where we've had a problem, where we need to ask God for help and then tell us how much it will cost. It's so much like our world, nothing is free. Our church has become a part of the world, rather than being a light that shines out from the world. We are so caught up in what we should do and what would make us a better person that we miss the simple truth, God wants you so much that he paid with everything he had to buy us back. That doesn't fly in our world. Nothing that is worth anything is free. If you can't buy it you don't need it. This is what we have come to, this is the state of our world. We cannot see how honest, how sincere God's gift to us is because we are blinded by the our world. It has been said that the best things in life are free, but have they ever said that about God? It may cost us everything on this earth to follow him, but what does it all matter? Would we be willing to trade everything we own on this earth for eternity? The Dentist says that it will cost you a little time and some money, but it will be a good trade off, but I say that if you will just get out of that chair, walk through those doors and follow him, there will be pain, there will be suffering, but you will have your freedom.
Braveheart Speech

Resistance

We have no idea how important we are or how important we will become. Those words make me feel like I have some destiny, something great ahead of me that I could only imagine. It makes me want to just push that much harder through the attacks. I am fighting for a purpose, albeit one I do not understand, put a purpose none the less. Since the beginning of time there has been a fight for human kind. One side seeks to save us, the other seeks to destroy us. We are the resistance. Our lives are so much more valuable than just the amount of cash we bring in or how big of a global footprint we make, our lives are worth starting a war for. All around the world, on the news, in books, in life, I see people who take their own lives for something as worthless as money. All the things on this earth, money, power, sex, they are all formulations used to distract us from what is really going on here, a fight for our very souls. It is not some petty squabble that rises and falls over time, it is a full blown war that has raged on for thousands of years. The enemy knows what we will become and is trying his best to stop that future from coming true. He tried to kill Jesus, our savior so that we would loose hope and submit to the darkness, but we still have hope. He will squeeze every ounce of life out of us to try and douse that hope, that faith that we are apart of something that we cannot see, some great war that we are caught up in that will end with our liberator freeing us from this world. Hope is a concern, faith is a threat. He will stop at no end to keep us from fighting, to subdue us and bring us into order, there is no extreme for him. He will hit you at your lowest point, he will strike where it hurts, he will absolutely break you down to try and keep us from hoping. We must not give in, we must not concede.

"Right now the most important thing is to stay alive, you have no idea how important you are or how important you will become" -John Connor, Terminator: Salvation-

Body in Chains

My spirit longs to be free, but my body is still in chains, still tied to the ground. Until I am able to forsake everything on this earth, until I can give it all up, I will never be free; I will still be ruled by this earth. Nothing would make the enemy happier that to keep me in check, to keep me from becoming free, for freedom is dangerous. If I can become free from this world, nothing on this earth can pull me down, nothing can keep me from my father. Nothing is more dangerous, nothing is more threatening. This is my fight on this earth, and I will win my freedom even if I have to fight through hell to get it.

Freedom

I watched the movie Bella with my family tonight. Wow, what a powerful movie. Juan and Nina, two ordinary people just trying to find their way end up on the same path together. During this friendship, this journey, they end up freeing each other. What a beautiful thing, when you can free someone just to free them, no second offers, no binding agreements, you truly set them free. This image is especially beautiful to me, it awakens some deep identity within me, the liberator. He seeks not for himself, he often is spit upon and blamed for making things worse when in fact he is fighting for their very freedom, for their lives. This image is not anything new, as long as man has been in bondage to this world he has sought a liberator, a savior, someone to set him free. In Gladiator Maximus is the liberator, the savior. He dies not knowing just how many he had set free or that his sacrifice would end the gladiator games in Rome, he simply fought for freedom. In Once (I know, I always come back to this movie), guy and girl find themselves thrown together, two lost people who find their freedom and then they simply part paths. There are no contracts, no chains, they are truly free. The worldly view of freedom is simple: I set you free, you help me out. I scratch your back you scratch mine. That's it? Where is the freedom in that? It is like having your chains knocked off only to have a rope tied around your neck. God came to truly set us free, to unleash our hearts. He does not say 'I will set you free but then you have to follow me', he simply fights for our freedom. God is our liberator, he is our savior.

One Eyed Man

"A one eyed man is far less complete than a blind man. He knows what he lacks." -Victor Hugo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame-

Something is missing, this is not quite right. Our lives on this earth are not complete. We are walking around with only one eye and we feel it. We have gone from total intimacy with God to a godless world. We have tasted paradise, we have seen the gates, but we see them no more. We have lost sight of them. Nothing on this earth can fill this empty socket, no amount of power or wealth or happiness can replace that which we have lost. We have lost paradise and nothing but that will satisfy that longing, that desire. God has given us this one eye so for this very reason, so that we see our own incompleteness, our own fallen world. This is just a taste of how hell will be, total separation from God, total blindness. Someday we will see for the first time, we will see true beauty and life. The sunsets we see in this world that give us such hope, such life are God's sign that he is waiting, he is longing for us. And like the sun after a black and cold night, he will rise, shining brilliantly and give us a new life.

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!"
-1 Corinthians 13:12, The Message-

The Death of Silence

I hear fantastic stories from some of my friends about just how busy and connected their days are. They go from one phone call to another, sending texts and and e-mails all day long. I used to envy those people, the people who didn't have any time to be bored. It was not until recently that I began to pity them. They cannot stand to be alone, they can't even function without some form of communication. They hide behind their connections, their friends so they don't have to face the silence. It is so sad to me, not being able to just go on a bike ride alone, not able to just go sit by a river and spend some time with God. For me, I need that time; I would be a wreck without it. I just need to be able to completely unplug and get away from it all, to be able to take a walk through the park, just me and God. It is such an empty feeling that most people have, where the only things they need they can touch and see.
My friend Sophie is always looking down; she rarely has more that 30 seconds without an incoming text. She has told me that she really misses the time where she has nothing going, those rare times when she can just go on a walk and turn off her phone. Our world is unable to unplug. It is the problem of our generation. It is so hard just to leave it all, to walk away and not look back because for one reason or another we always get pulled back in.

Silence is being threatened, it is being controlled. No longer do you have to wait eagerly for your friend to drive across town to hang out with you, no longer do you need to be face to face to have unity. Unity is no more than 30 clicks and an enter away. For most, to have any time alone is unnerving; they feel as though they can hear the clock ticking upon the wall. It is frightening. Texting is one of the simplest ways to deal with the silence, the simplest way to kill it is slowly but surely killing us. What does that say about us? What kind of life do we live? How can we call it life if there is no life? If we can no longer stop and smell the roses or simply take in a breath of fresh air, we have lost a deep part of us. Silence is a slowly dying forest, gradually being chopped down and paved to make way for a "better" and "more connected" life. Silence is being killed and we are holding the axes.